To clarify, I don't feel like I'm Penn Badgley from Gossip Girl, but I'm more like Penn Badgley from You, because I truly feel like murdering someone tonight. And you know what they say, there's nothing like a tall glass of murder after a long day <3.
You may be wondering: Hooper, is that really a saying? And what do you want to murder BESIDES the dance floor? I'm so glad that you asked! His name is Dickens....HisMajestyDickens, a blasé Reddit user who claimed that it was "sooo easy" to make a website. What Mr. Dickens must not know is:
1. that I'm dumb and
2. my standard for easy tasks is the highest of all my standards.
Does that make sense? No? Great.
Basically what I'm saying is that at this point there's absolutely zero point in attempting to teach my anything new. I've accepted that it's too late to learn Poker, I cannot give myself a manicure, and I will never truly know what's going on in the Middle East. And you know what? That's okay with me.
What I'm saying is that It's......discouraging that I spent over three hours working on this website for it to look like this. I mean I'm shocked too. I got my degree in design and this was my Vietnam. I even got so stressed in the process
that I convinced myself that I deserved a glass of wine. Which honestly, I did.
I'm like one of Pavlov's dogs--I complete a task, and I expect a little treat. Oh I vacuumed today? Go little rockstar, get yourself a £4 artisanal coffee. You got a Brazilian? You should drink a whole bottle of wine. You deserved it. So unlike my high standard for learning new tasks, my standard for working hard is very very low.
I don't know what the purpose of me writing all of this will do. Or even making this blog, especially since it's not 2004 and nobody asked for my opinion and I'm not that good at giving advice. But I'm pursuing a career in comedy writing (also known as unemployment) and I'm uninhibited (because, well, the wine) so I thought a good use of my time would be to create posts that only my dad will read and maybe my boyfriend upon force. I will be discussing all the important global issues: BBL's, Sam Levinson's mental state, Twitter discourse and yes, Russia. I never said it had to be the truth but it's MY truth.
I know my opinion was neither needed nor wanted, but dammit, let me have my Joan Didion moment this one time.
(RIP JD).
-Hooper
🙂