After I caught up on reading the news (Twitter), had a panic attack (watched Euphoria), and said goodbye to Che Diaz, I was left with a hole in my TV calendar this week which even the Kardashians could not fill.
I have been seeing promos for Pam and Tommy for months on end, and thought what the heck? TBH I didn't really know much about Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee as a couple. IN MY DEFENSE, I was only two when the pair got divorced, and while I was speaking fluent French at this age, my schedule didn't allow me the time to feed into such absurdité.
All I knew before starting this show was that Pamela got tackled by Borat and that Tommy Lee looked like someone Ariana Grande would probably break-off an engagement with. The only other tidbit that I knew about Pam and Tommy was their infamous sex tape (which sadly after many Google searches, I cannot find).
****QUICK BASIC AMERICAN HISTORY LESSON: Pam and Tommy were THE pinkprint for leaked sex tape scandals. Paris and Kim, EAT your hearts out. The sex tape has elevated Pam and Tommy to a status of fame that hadn't been seen before. Hint: this will be the focal point of the show.
CAST OF REGULATION HOTTIES
What sparked my interest in the show possibly more than the subject matter was the cast of complete smokeshows and I would love to speak to the casting director. I am a major Sebastian Stan stan after he destroyed ours and Serena van der Woodsen's heart as Mr. Carter Bad Boy Baizin. Remember him? This is him now.And then they throw Seth Rogen in the mix. I've said it once but I'll say it again: Superbad will forever be my Citizen Kane. Lastly there is Lily James. The issue is that I was an OG Mamma Mia fan and to be totally honest, Mamma Mia 2 was a bust in comparison. That still doesn't mean I haven't seen it upwards of nine times. ALSO Ron Swanson plays a porn director??? Now THAT's hot.
REVIEW (SPOILERS IF YOU'RE STUPID)
The first episode we are introduced to Seth Rogen as our protagonist. He plays Rand, a construction dude who is working on a project at Tommy Lee's house. We quickly learn Tommy is the WOAT. (Side note: Tommy Lee was the drummer of Mötley Crüe, which like...I've been to their concert? I'm embarrassed).
Unhinged, and loaded, Tommy fires Seth which sparks the inciting incident of the story: a plan to get Tommy back. Did I mention that the show revolves around the sex tape scandal? Can we take a wild guess what the revenge plan is?
SIDE NOTE: At this point Pam has only been teased throughout the pilot, which is very strategic because it kept me watching. I'll say it: I just want to see Pam, dammit. LUCKILY, in the second episode we see Pammy. And I mean we see A LOT of Pammy. There is no room left for imagination, kids.
We quickly lean that Pam has a track record for dating bad-boy-douche-lords and getting her heart broken. *Tommy Lee has entered the chat*
The two get married within four days of knowing each other. Between Lily Jame's fake tits and Sebastian Stan's talking prosthetic penis, we are led to the creation of the sex tape. Now the storyline is cohesive and caught up to where we ended the pilot. The third episode we delve more into the characters, particularly Pam, and how she's treated in the industry.
Now let's get into it: So the first issue for me is I'm a bit skeptical on the accuracy of the story if both Pamela and Tommy refuse to take part. As Supreme Court Justice Elle Woods once said, ' Don't you also need to have like, evidence?" I need full receipts. Did they pop molly in Cancun for three days straight? God, I hope so.
My second issue with the show is that at the moment the characters are not portrayed to be very likable. But I also DO kinda like them, and it's only because they're really, really hot? I mean...is that some sort of deep physiological issue that we as humans have?
I know the audience SHOULD be rooting for Pam, but I'm at such a personal crossroads because of Lily's portrayal of Pam. The character comes across very weak and innocent in a 'who me?' manner that I find very, very annoying. And the VOICE. That fucking voice. Is Pamela actually like this as a person? Is Lily James a method actor? Is she Daniel Day Lewis?
(Yes, I could very well Google this, but I would rather live in a delusional state than know).
My last issue is I feel the pilot is a bit dragged out, to the point where I was getting a little bored. I can say now that it's definitely worth it to push through.
Do I recommend watching Pam and Tommy? Absotootly. It hooks you, it's entertaining, and just pure, carefree fun for the family. Watching the talking wiener scene with your dad? Aw <3
If you have absolutely zero interest in watching this show after reading this scorching hot review, that's okay. But PLEASE, PLEASE, FOR ME, the least you can do is Google 'Seth Rogen in mullet' and try to tell me you're not the slightest bit aroused.
Don't lie to yourself.
-Hooper
SCORE
(Yes, I see that the last star is a different color. It's an artistic decision).
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