You've just started seeing a new guy and to your genuine surprise everything is going pretty perfectly: he’s funny (but not more than you), he’s kinda cute (but not in a way where people are wondering what he’s doing with you), he’s smart (but not in a know-it-all way) and your friends think that he’s perfect for you.
And then one day you’re out for a drink and as you’re both leaving the venue he drums on the table and exclaims “let’s rock’n’roll’” and that’s when you get it: that sinking cringe feeling in the pit of your stomach. You try to ignore it and move on, but pretty soon the thought of a man who you’ve seen run up the stairs on all fours sexually touching your body makes you physically sick.
The Ick. It comes out of nowhere, it’s completely involuntary, but once it’s arrived there’s no going back. Some icks are entirely valid and justified (eg. "his mum still buys his clothes' suggests an uncomfortable lack of maturity) and others.... maybe not so much lol.
Where does the Ick even come from.?
Some say that it’s a self-sabotaging mechanism: things are going too perfect for you, and you refuse to let yourself be happy because of reasons stemming in childhood/Imposter Syndrome BS (booooo, *yawn*, boring).
On the other hand, it remains an instinctual gut feeling: your body is trying to tell you something is not right. And while it may not always be correct (you could not, in fact, digest the new Land, Sea, and Air McDonald's Burger at your big age of 25), if you get chills upon seeing your date be rude and abusive to your waitress then you should probably bounce.
This is when the ick verges into ‘Red Flag’ territory. And on this note, I’ve noticed a lot of you struggle with the distinction. If you tell me your ick is “when a man has an Assault & Battery charge from back in the day” ... Baby, that’s not an ick, that’s Priors. RED FLAG!
Personally, I believe that women inventing new icks is fifth-wave feminism, and I decided to embark on a mission to classify the romantic and dating no-gos of our times. Mostly, I needed reassurance that my personal icks were not excessive (spoiler alert! They are. Turns out, cutting a man off forever by pretending you’ve joined the Foreign Legion because you once saw him showering sat in the bathtub is not justified).
I’ve received countless examples of icks in the span of the last 48 hours and narrowed them down to the best 50. What I’ve discovered is that we women are the worst: We are so unreasonable and demanding and impossible to please, and honestly? I love that for us. I'm tired of men thinking chewing with their mouth closed is enough to warrant a second date! Every ick raises the bar for men by half an inch from the 8th circle of hell where it currently resides.
Lastly, I want to address the men who may be reading this because God forbid they feel left out for a single day of our Gregorian calendar. First of all, you all showed our entire ASS by DMing with your 'icks for women' because a) this isn't for you, I did not ask, and b) none of them were creative or funny they were like "when a girl doesn't even offer to split the bill" or "when a girl wears too much makeup'--- literally STFU!
And while you may use this article to be like "see? dating is hard for us too! we have to navigate the minefield of icks, feel bad for us!" I'll simply say this:
You make more money than us for the same job. You don't have to share live location with your friend when you meet US on a first date. More than 1 in 5 women will have experienced rape or sexual assault by a man in their adult lives. So suck my d(ick).
Happy International Women’s Day!
Mallory
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